The "P" Story

I was thinking about what story should start off our blog. It only took about 5 seconds before I remembered the story that started this blog idea in the first place.  It was only the 2nd or 3rd week of school and I was sucking up car line duty outside.  I was with about three other teachers but we were spread out across our terribly designed campus.  I looked to my right and saw students gathering in a circle. I immediately thought and was listening for "FIGHT!" Now 3 months in I have learned this means 1 of 2 things...fight or someone is having a mental/emotional breakdown. Thankfully it was the second.  I recognized the hysterical 5th grader (we'll call him Robby) but didn't know his name yet.  I managed to break through the crowd and shoo them away to ask Robby what was wrong. I definitely had no idea that that one question would lead to possibly one of our top 5 stories of the year. 

Me: "What's wrong honey?" 

Robby: (HYSTERICAL) "sldk gsksgnowein sdogskdfnwoeks sdokfhoww"

Me: "Ok, ok, I can't understand you until you calm down. Breath and tell me what's wrong."

Robby: (Deep breath) "???? was making fun of me."

ME: "Who was making fun of you and what for?"

Robby: "Mike (?) was making fun of me. He said I have a small penis (ME: jaw begins to drop and threats of what you are NOT allowed to say as female teacher start flashing in my head. Then he made me loose it..) 

"...and I DO but...."

Thank God I had sunglasses on so the child could not see the laughter in my eyes. I felt so bad for him until he said after a long pause "...and I DO BUT.." It took all my strength not to laugh in Robby's face.  

Me: "You know honey sometimes...." (Scanning for MALE teacher)

Attempt 2: "Boys just...." (Again, scanning for a MALE angel to rescue me)

Attempt 3: "At your age boys....." (now realizing I could end up saying something real inappropriate and could get fired)

Attempt 4: "Sometimes boys....okay let's just walk this way"

After failing to calm the child down and find a male teacher to handle this situation I began to walk him to the office. I ended up passing him off to one our high school coaches who looked at me with a "you've got to be kidding" face. Thankfully (after laughing in Robby's face when he told him what he told me) he was able to calm him down. I hope this story reads as funny as it was in reality but pauses and tone are hard to type out. Anyways, many more to come. 

Have a great week!

 Love - those who are ever thankful for no school on Tuesday (GO VOTE!)